School

Limerick No. 164

Heinz Boenert (1924- )

Ein Lehrer aus Lehre bekehrte
die Verächter moralischer Werte,
bis er eines Tages,
das Schicksal beklag es,
die Kreuzung bei Rot überquerte.

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The Supply Teacher

Allan Ahlberg (1938-)

Here's the rule for what to do
If ever your teacher has the flu
Or for some other reason takes to her bed
And a different teacher comes instead

When the visiting teacher hangs up her hat
Writes the date on the board, does this or that
Always remember, you have to say this,
OUR teacher never does that, Miss!

When you want to change places or wander about
Or feel like getting the guinea pig out
Never forget, the message is this,
OUR teacher always lets us, Miss!

Then, when your teacher returns next day
And complains about the paint or clay
Remember these words, you just say this:
That OTHER teacher told us to, Miss!

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Page d'écriture

Jacques Prévert (1900-1977)

Deux et deux quatre
quatre et quarte huit
huit et huit font seize…
Répétez ! dit le maître
Deux et deux quatre
quatre et quatre huit
huit et huit font seize.
Mais voilà l'oiseau lyre
qui passe dans le ciel
l'enfant le voit
l'enfant l'entend
l'enfant l'appelle
Sauve-moi
joue avec moi
oiseau !
Alors l'oiseau descend
et joue avec l'enfant

Deux et deux quatre…
Répétez ! dit le maître
et l'enfant joue
l'oiseau joue avec lui…
Quatre et quatre huit
huit et huit font seize
et seize et seize qu'est-ce qu'ils font ?
Ils ne font rien seize et seize
et surtout pas trente-deux
de toute façon
ils s'en vont.
Et l'enfant a caché l'oiseau
dans son pupitre
et tous les enfants
entendent sa chanson
et tous les enfants
entendent la musique
et huit et huit à leur tour s'en vont
et quatre et quatre et deux et deux
à leur tour fichent le camp
et un et un ne font ni une ni deux
un à un s'en vont également.
Et l'oiseau lyre joue
et l'enfant chante
et le professeur crie :
Quand vous aurez fini de faire le pitre

Mais tous les autres enfants
écoutent la musique
et les murs de la classe
s'écroulent tranquillement
Et les vitres redeviennent sable
l'encre redevient eau
les pupitres redeviennent arbres
la craie redevient falaise
le port-plume redevient oiseau.

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Die Schule

Heinz Erhardt (1909-1979)

Die Schule ist, dass weiß man ja
in erster Linie dazu da.
den Guten wie den Bösewichtern
den Lehrstoff quasi einzutrichtern;
allein - so ists nun mal hinieden:
die Geistesgaben sind verschieden.

Mit Löffeln, ja sogar mit Gabeln
frisst Kai die englischen Vokabeln:
Karl-Heinz hat aber erst nach Stunden
die Wurzel aus der Vier gefunden.

Und doch! Karl-Heinz als "dumm" verschrien,
wird Chef - und man bewundert ihn.
und Kai in Uniform gezwängt,
steht an der Drehtür und empfängt
und braucht in Englisch höchstens dies:
"Good morning Sir!" und manchmal "please!"

Hieraus ersieht der dümmste klar,
dass der, der "dümmer", klüger war!

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The Lesson

Roger McGough (1937-)

Chaos ruled OK in the classroom
as bravely the teacher walked in
the hooligans ignored him
his voice was lost in the din

"The theme for today is violence
and homework will be set
I'm going to teach you a lesson
one that you'll never forget"

He picked on a boy who was shouting
and throttled him then and there
the garrotted the girl behind him
(the one with the grotty hair)

Then sword in hand he hacked his way
between the chattering rows
"First come, first severed" he declared
"fingers, feet, or toes"

He threw the sword at a latecomer
it struck with deadly aim
then pulling out a shotgun
he continued with his game

 

 

The first blast cleared the back row
(where those who skive hang out)
they collapsed like rubber dinghies
when the plugs pulled out

"Please may I leave the room sir?"
a trembling vandal inquired
"Of course you may" said teacher
put the gun to his temple and fired

The Head popped a head round the doorway
to see why a din was being made
nodded understandingly
then tossed in a grenade

And when the ammo was well spent
with blood on every chair
Silence shuffled forward
with its hands up in the air

The teacher surveyed the carnage
the dying and the dead
He waggled a finger severely
"Now let that be a lesson" he said

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Le Cancre

Jacques Prévert (1900-1977)

Il dit non avec la tête
mais il dit oui avec le coeur
il dit oui à ce qu'il aime
il dit non au professeur
il est debout
on le questionne
et tous les problèmes sont posés
soudain le fou rire le prend
et il efface tout
les chiffres et les mots
les dates et les noms
les phrases et les pièges
et malgré les menaces du maître
sous les huées des enfants prodiges
avec des craies de toutes les couleurs
sur le tableau noir du malheur
il dessine le visage du bonheur.

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Schularbeiten

Günter Bruno Fuchs (1928-1977)

Der Fortschritt
hat keene Lust, sich
zu kümmern um
mir. Und was mir anjeht, habick
keene Lust, mir
um den Fortschritt
zu kümmern. Denn
unsereins
war ja
als Mensch
wohl zuerst da.

So, mein Kind, das
schreibste
in dein Schulheft
rein.

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Please Mrs Butler

Allan Ahlberg (1938- )

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps copying my work, Miss.
What shall I do?

Go and sit in the hall, dear.
Go and sit in the sink.
take your books on my roof, my lamb.
Do whatever you think.

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps taking my rubber, Miss
What shall I do?

Keep it in your hand, dear
Hide it up your vest.
Swallow it if you like, my love.
Do what you think best.

Please Mrs Butler
This boy Derek Drew
Keeps calling me rude names, Miss
What shall I do?

Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear.
Run away to sea.
Do whatever you can, my flower.
But don't ask me!

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Der Schulgenoss

Gottfried Keller (1819-1890)

Wohin hat dich dein guter Stern gezogen,
O Schulgenoss aus ersten Knabenjahren?
Wie weit sind auseinander wir gefahren
In unsern Schifflein auf des Lebens Wogen!

Wenn wir die Untersten der Klasse waren,
Wie haben wir treuherzig uns betrogen,
Erfinderisch und schwärm'risch uns belogen
Von Aventuren, Liebschaft und Gefahren!

Da seh' ich just, beim Schimmer der Laterne,
Wie mir gebückt, zerlumpt ein Vagabund
Mit einem Häscher scheu vorübergeht - !

So also wendeten sich unsre Sterne?
Und so hat es gewuchert, unser Pfund?
Du bist ein Schelm geworden - ich Poet!

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Homework ! Oh, Homework !

Jack Prelutsky (1940 -)

Homework ! Oh, homework !
I hate you, you stink!
I wish I could wash you
away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework ! Oh, homework !
You're giving me fits.

I'd rather take baths
with a man eating shark,
or a wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework
my teacher assigns.

Homework ! Oh, homework !
You're last on my list,
I simply can't see
why you even exist,
if you disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework ! Oh, homework !
I hate you, you stink!

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An meinen Lehrer

Joachim Ringelnatz (1883-1934)

Ich war nicht einer deiner guten Jungen.
An meinem Jugendtrotz ist mancher Rat
Und manches wohlgedachte Wort zersprungen.
Nun sieht der Mann, was einst der Knabe tat.

Doch hast du, alter Meister, nicht vergebens
An meinem Bau geformt und dich gemüht.
Du hast die besten Werte meines Lebens
Mit heißen Worten mir ins Herz geglüht.

Verzeih, wenn ich das alte nicht bereue.
Ich will mich heut wie einst vor dir nicht bücken.
Doch möcht ich dir für deine Lehrertreue
Nur einmal dankbar, stumm die Hände drücken.

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The Kids in School with Me

Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

When I studied my A-B-C's
And learned arithmetic,
I also learned in public school
What makes America tick:
The kid in front
And the kid behind
And the kid across the aisle,
The Italian kid
And the Polish kid
And the girl with the Irish smile,
The colored kid
And the Spanish kid
And the Russian kid my size,
The Jewish kid
And the Grecian kid
And the girl with the Chinese eyes--
We were a regular Noah's ark,
Every race beneath the sun,
But our motto for graduation was:
One for All and All for One!
The kid in front
And the kid behind
And the kid across from me--
Just American kids together
The kids in school with me.

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Unterschied

Heinz Erhardt (1909-1979)

Wollen wir doch einmal dieses
Thema streifen:
Autoräder sind von Reifen -
Lehrer aber, die zu lehren sich
bestreben,
sind von Unreifen umgeben!

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Johnson broke my ruler, sir

Christopher Mann

Johnson broke my ruler, sir
he did sir, honest;
Johnson broke my ruler, sir
Please sir, that's not fair!

Johnson did it twice, sir
He did sir, honest;
Johnson did it twice, sir
Please sir, that's not fair!

Can't you make him stop it, sir?
Please sir, please?
Can't you make him stop it, sir?
I didn't do a thing!

Why's it me that's punished, sir?
Why, sir, why?
Why's it me that's punished, sir?
I only got him back.

Please don't tell my dad, sir;
Please don't, please;
Please don't tell my dad, sir;
I won't do that again.

Johnson had it coming, sir;
Please sir, he did.
Johnson had it coming, sir;
(Stupid little kid).

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Der Sperling und die Schulhofkinder

James Krüss (1926-1997)

Ein Sperling, der von ungefähr
zu einem Schulhof kam,
erstaunte über das, was er
auf diesem Hof vernahm.
Ein Mädchen sprach zu Meiers Franz:
"Du alter Esel du!"
Da sprach der Franz:"Du dumme Gans
bist eine blöde Kuh!"
Der Walter sprach zum dicken Klaus:
"Mach Platz, du fetter Ochs!"
Da rief der Klaus:"Du fade Laus,
paß auf, daß ich nicht box!"
Zum Peter sprach Beate nun:
"Du Affe, geh hier weg!"
Da rief der Peter:"Dummes Huhn,
ich weiche nicht vom Fleck!"
Der Sperling meint er hör nicht recht.
Es tönte allenthalb:
"Du Schaf! Du Floh! Du blöder Hecht!
Du Hund! Du Schwein! Du Kalb!"
Der kleine Sperling staunte sehr.
Er sprach:"Es schien mir so,
als ob ich auf dem Schulhof wär;
doch bin ich wohl im Zoo!"

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Rodge said

Michael Rosen (1946-)

Rodge said,
"Teachers “they want it all ways “
you're jumping up and down on a chair
or something
and they grab hold of you and say,
'Would you do that sort of thing inyour own home?'

"So you say, 'No.'
And they say,
'Well don't do it here then.'

"But if you say, 'Yes, I do it at home,'
they say
'Well, we don't want that sort of thing
going on here
thank you very much.'

"Teachers “they get you all ways,
Rodge said.

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Alljährlich im September

Bertolt Brecht (1898-1956)

Alljährlich im September, wenn die Schulzeit beginnt
Stehen in den Vorstädten die Weiber in den Papiergeschäften
Und kaufen die Schulbücher und Schreibhefte für ihre Kinder.
Verzweifelt fischen sie ihre letzten Pfennige
Aus den abgegriffenen Beutelchen, jammernd
Daß das Wissen so teuer ist. Dabei ahnen sie nicht
Wie schlecht das wissen ist, das für ihre
Kinder bestimmt wird.

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A Teacher’s Lament

Kalli Dakos

Don’t tell me the cat ate your math sheet,
And your spelling words went down the drain,
And you couldn’t decipher your homework,
Because it was soaked in the rain.

Don’t tell me you slaved for hours
On the project that’s due today,
And you would have had it finished
If your snake hadn’t run away.

Don’t tell me you lost your eraser,
And your worksheets and pencils, too,
And your papers are stuck together
With a great big glob of glue.

I’m tired of all your excuses;
They are really a terrible bore.
Besides, I forgot my own work,
At home in my study drawer.

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Grammar

Michael Rosen (1946- )

The teacher said:
A noun is a naming word.
What is the naming word in the sentence:
'He named the ship LUSITANIA'?
'Named', said George.
Wrong, it's 'ship'.
Oh, said George.

The teacher said:
A verb is a doing word.
What is the doing word in the sentence:
'I like doing homework'?
'Doing', said George.
Wrong, it's 'like'.
Oh, said George.

The teacher said:
An adjective is a describing word.
What is the describing word in the sentence
'Describing sunsets is boring'?
'Describing', said George.
Wrong, it's 'boring'.
I know it is, said George.

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Why I Skip My High School Reunions

Craig Arnold (1967 - 2009)

Because the geeks and jocks were set in stone,
I, ground between. Because the girls I ate
lunch with are married now, most out of spite
—because the ones I spurned are still alone.
Because I took up smoking at nineteen, late,
and just now quit—because, since then, I’ve grown
into and out of something they’ve never known.
Because at the play, backstage, on opening night
she conjured out of the vast yards of her dress
an avocado and a razorblade,
slit the one open with the other, flayed
the pebbled skin, and offered me a slice

—because I thought that one day I’d say yes,
and I was wrong, and I am still afraid.

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The Schoolboy

from Songs of Experience
William Blake (1757-1827)

I love to rise in a summer morn,
When the birds sing on every tree;
The distant huntsman winds his horn,
And the skylark sings with me:
O what sweet company!

But to go to school in a summer morn, -
O it drives all joy away!
Under a cruel eye outworn,
The little ones spend the day
In sighing and dismay.

Ah then at times I drooping sit,
And spend many an anxious hour;
Nor in my book can I take delight,
Nor sit in learning's bower,
Worn through with the dreary shower.

How can the bird that is born for joy
Sit in a cage and sing?
How can a child, when fears annoy,
But droop his tender wing,
And forget his youthful spring!

O father and mother if buds are nipped,
And blossoms blown away;
And if the tender plants are stripped
Of their joy in the springing day,
By sorrow and care's dismay, -

How shall the summer arise in joy,
Or the summer fruits appear?
Or how shall we gather what griefs destroy,
Or bless the mellowing year,
When the blasts of winter appear?

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Did I Miss Anything

Tom Wayman (1945- )

Question frequently asked by
students after missing a class

Nothing. When we realized you weren't here
we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

Everything. I gave an exam worth
40 per cent of the grade for this term
and assigned some reading due today
on which I'm about to hand out a quiz
worth 50 per cent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
a shaft of light descended and an angel
or other heavenly being appeared
and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
to attain divine wisdom in this life and
the hereafter
This is the last time the class will meet
before we disperse to bring this good news to all people on earth

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

Everything. Contained in this classroom
is a microcosm of human existence
assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
This is not the only place such an opportunity has been gathered

but it was one place

And you weren't here

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First Day At School

Roger McGough (1937-)


A millionbillionwillion miles from home
Waiting for the bell to go. (To go where?)
Why are they all so big, other children?
So noisy? So much at home they
Must have been born in uniform
Lived all their lives in playgrounds
Spent the years inventing games
That don't let me in. Games
That are rough, that swallow you up.

And the railings.
All around, the railings.
Are they to keep out wolves and monsters?
Things that carry off and eat children?
Things you don't take sweets from?
Perhaps they're to stop us getting out
Running away from the lessins. Lessin.
What does a lessin look like?
Sounds small and slimy.
They keep them in the glassrooms.
Whole rooms made out of glass. Imagine.

I wish I could remember my name
Mummy said it would come in useful.
Like wellies. When there's puddles.
Yellowwellies. I wish she was here.
I think my name is sewn on somewhere
Perhaps the teacher will read it for me.
Tea-cher. The one who makes the tea.

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